God is in Control

Throughout all of this I have gone through up and down periods, like I'm sure many of you do. Today I need to be reminded of God's promises and God's plan. His Word tells me that he has a plan for my life, a plan to prosper me and not harm me. It also tells me that if I acknowledge Him in all my ways, He will direct my paths. Yet still, I doubt. Why? Why do I doubt God's promises? They are real. They are more real than anything else. God has never left me alone without support, or not answered my prayers in a wonderful way. Granted, that way wasn't always exactly what I was praying for, but answer it He did and the answer was wonderful and perfect like only He can make it. He will do the same thing with the infertility. I have to stop letting the fear and doubt from Satan take over. It is not from God. God, today grant me peace and renewed faith in your promises. Let me turn away from the doubt and the fear and place my trust in you, and you alone. Thank you for answering our prayers! Amen!

First RE Appointment

It went great! Hubby and I were in high spirits for some reason and laughed our way up to the office and in the waiting room. Hope we didn't upset any of the ladies waiting. I can only pray that I always maintain this positive attitude and strength from God as I face this.

I really, really like our doctor. You can tell he has been doing this a LONG time. We had a lengthy conversation where we went over my TTC history, he looked through all of my paperwork and explained to me the options he typically recommends. He went over everything in detail, included success rates for people in my age range and wrote down the cost of each treatment. I am very blessed to have excellent infertility coverage. He basically told me that he didn't envision it running out, and that they would pay for everything and all I have to do is pay co-pays of $30 each time I come in. (I work for one of the biggest companies in a large metropolitan area, so he knows this from past experience.) Let me just say, I know how huge this is. I am so grateful to God for this - it is one less thing to worry about as I go through treatment. I wish it was this way for everyone. At the same time, I am still going to be cautious which treatments we choose, because insurance can change very quickly.

After our initial meeting, we did an ultrasound. Almost immediately the doctor picked out something nobody has been able to do - he thinks I have Endometriosis. He saw some areas in my uterus that caused him to believe this, and it is something I have suspected for awhile due to my extreme pain during AF and spotting before and afterwards. He wants to see me on Day 3 of my next cycle. If the things he saw in the ultrasound are still there, he wants to move forward with laparoscopic surgery before doing any treatments, so that he can assess how severe it is and remove any adhesions. I am excited about this approach, but also nervous as I don't like surgery and I am worried about how much work I will have to miss. For those of you who have done this, can you share your experience?

I also had some bloodwork done for a few panels that haven't been run yet. Doc wanted to check my progesterone since I am 8DPO today, and he also wanted to run AMH since he couldn't see very many antral follicles on my ovaries. Normally, this would really, really worry me. But he thinks he couldn't see more because BOTH ovaries had giant cysts on them. He knows one of them is the corpeus luteum, but the other is most likely related to endometriosis or something similar. I hope he is right! Having low ovarian reserve at 27 feels like a death sentence to me.

So, that's it for now! I should start AF in the next few days-week, so next steps are right around the corner. I already know I am not pregnant this cycle, because I couldn't see anything that looked like an egg on the ultrasound. So I had a big Dr. Pepper and a cookie at lunch, a rare treat! We are heading up north for a friends wedding this weekend and will be doing some fun stuff in the city while we are there, so hopefully that will help get my mind off things for awhile!

On the Move!

Got a call right before I left work today that the RE I have chosen to visit had an opening tomorrow morning - so we are on the move to hopefully getting some answers and having our little orange!

Preparing the Grove

After a solid week of spotting, AF finally showed her face. That is the longest amount of spotting I have ever had prior to AF. I also spotted for several days after AF as well. Something hormonal is definitely out of whack with me, and I have no clue what it is as all my tests came back "normal." For now, I am chalking it up to the fact that this was the first month in awhile that I had not taken progesterone suppositories, so perhaps my body wasn't sure how to start AF on its own. Or it could be PCOS, endometriosis, my fibroid or any other number of fertility problems. Sigh. I am ready for some answers.

With that said, I finally broke down and made my first appointment with an RE. This is something I have been putting off for a long time. I have always felt this stigma with it - that once I made an appointment that I was officially "infertile." It also made me feel that once I had to see an RE, that signified it was not going to be easy for us to get pregnant. These things have kept me from making that first appointment - I so wanted to get pregnant the normal way. I felt like if I just tried hard enough, prayed enough, ate right, took vitamins, on and on, eventually my body would sort itself out and God would bless us with a little orange. That might have happened if we kept on the natural way, but I was ready to make that next step and God provided me some peace about it. I did a lot of research and selected what I think are the best specialists in a town. They have a practice together, and they are so popular that I can not get in until May. So we will keep on doing things the way we have been since November - no caffeine, mostly organic, healthy diet, lots of supplements, exercise and sleep. And of course lots of fun! :)

In happier news, we just returned from a great weekend getaway. We traveled down south and stayed at a nice resort. We enjoyed just lounging around the pool in 80 degree weather, got massages, ate some nice dinners, went shopping and just enjoyed each others company!