Baby Boy

We found out yesterday we are having a little boy! We are thrilled and so excited - but mostly just grateful for this blessing and that he looks perfect and healthy.

12 Weeks

A lot has happened since my last update. I have graduated to the OB, I stopped my PIO injections and Husband and I enjoyed telling friends and family our good news this Easter weekend.

At my 12 week appointment on Friday we got to see baby again, and boy had he/she changed! Baby looks like an actual baby now and was kicking up a storm and waving its little arms - so incredibly awesome to see! We actually had the appointment scheduled for 11 weeks and 1 day, because we were planning to tell family that weekend and wanted an updated picture. But baby measured 11 weeks, 6 days, so we are now counting the weeks down on Mondays, which is halfway through where baby was measuring and where we actually thought we were. I'm okay with that as long as baby is healthy and happy!

It is still so surreal to be here. Each day is a battle for me to give up my fear that something bad is going to happen and give that over to God. I am starting to show just a little bit, and even bought a few maternity items to wear. We continue to be so grateful for this blessing. I am still following blogs and praying and hoping for each of you.

8 weeks, 1 day

Everything was still looking good at my 7 week ultrasound last week and my 8 week ultrasound today. At 7 weeks baby measured right at 7 weeks and had a heartbeat of 146. We also got to listen to the heartbeat at that appointment, which was the most amazing thing.

This week's ultrasound was done by my OB, and let's just say he's not the most adept at the ultrasound machine. He said his tech normally does it, and she wasn't available for some reason, so he did it instead. Of course we were able to see the baby and see where it's heart was beating strong, but he didn't know how to measure it or listen to it. I was okay with that because I could see it beating, and we are having an appointment next week with the RE. He pointed out the legs, arms, head and spine as well. Baby measured right at 8 weeks, 3 days.

I told him about my fears of miscarriage. After trying so long to get pregnant, it's been really hard for me to just enjoy this miracle. He said I could come in every day for an ultrasound if that would help to reassure me. Of course I won't do that, but it was nice to know that offer is on the table for whenever I start to worry again.

I still have very few pregnancy symptoms. I'm a lot hungrier than I used to be, and definitely more tired. But that's really about it. It has been a worry point for me because you always hear about the nausea and the soreness - both the RE and my OB said it's just as normal not to have any, and it should be no cause for worry. They also said those things could be right around the corner for me, so we will see! I was surprised I hadn't gained any weight since before IVF today - I've been eating so much I really thought I had gained 10 pounds.

So excited and grateful that this pregnancy is still going well.

Six Weeks

Doc let us come in early for our first ultrasound after much begging and pleading. He warned us we probably would not see a heartbeat this early, and therefore he couldn't determine if it was an ongoing pregnancy.

We were prepared for that, so imagine our surprise and joy when he immediately saw a sac, fetal pole and a strong little heartbeat of around 116! Baby was even measuring ahead at 6 weeks, 3 days.

It was so wonderful to see its little heart flickering away. Husband and I both had huge smiles on our faces as we watched it. We even got a little picture of it to take home, although you can't really see much.

I was so glad we pushed for an ultrasound sooner, because it really did me a lot of good. I have been so worried there wouldn't actually be a baby inside me. I have had very few symptoms so far. I really need to work on my faith! We don't have another appointment until next Thursday, and I am hoping Doc will let us come in once more after that as well.

I still can't believe this is happening to me and that I am really pregnant. Each day with this baby is a precious gift and I am so grateful to God for this answered prayer. I know anything can still happen at this point, but I am choosing to trust God that He has it in His hands and put the worry aside and just try to enjoy this pregnancy.

Second Beta

My second beta was 871! I am a little nervous because it seems like most girls betas more than double, and mine wasn't quite as high as some peoples by this day. But they said everything was fine, they were looking for anything 800 or more, and I don't need to come back in until my first ultrasound in March. The wait for the second beta was killer so I can just imagine how much harder the next two weeks will be!

I still can't believe this is happening to me. Husband and I both cried when they gave us the news. I know that anything could still happen at this point - but we are praying and trusting God that this pregnancy is viable and enjoying being pregnant for the first time ever.

PREGNANT!

HCG was 200! We are overjoyed and thrilled. Next beta is Monday.

To God be the glory!

9dp3dt

The cramping is back. It's still not very bad, but it's there.

I also started spotting. This morning I woke up with just a little bit. Have had an even smaller bit after wiping once this morning.

I know this could be a good thing. So many girls have cramping/spotting and BFPs with IVF. On the other hand, I always cramp and spot before AF, so it could just be that. However, I have NEVER spotted on progesterone support before. I just get my period automatically once I stop it without any spotting. Holding on to hope in this one small difference!

Thanks for all the prayers, support and encouragement!

7dp3dt

Trying so hard to not go crazy during this 2ww. 

I am trying to have faith in the impossible - that this could work despite there being no reasons to lead me to believe it has. That God has a plan for me, a plan for good things and hope and a future.

But it is hard. I basically have zero symptoms. The cramping has pretty much stopped altogether and I am not really having any of these other symptoms that so many girls seem to have. At the same time, I don't feel like AF is coming. I just feel nothing. Good, actually.

I don't think I am going to POAS. I just can't handle the disappointment if it's a no.

3dp3dt and Frozen Babies

Things have been going well so far during the arduous wait. I have had light cramping on and off since transfer - is this normal, or does it already spell doom for me? I have been so worried that it is toxins killing my babies. Then, when it stops, I worry about why it has stopped! It's easily relieved with Tylenol or rest. Husband thinks it's left over soreness from enlarged ovaries and a traumatic transfer.

In other news - I am happy to report that we have two frozen embryos! I cannot tell you how ecstatic I was to get that call today. Of course I had been praying for all five to make it, but I know that just doesn't happen very often. I am thrilled that I have two. One is a 5BB and the other is a 4BB. Of course I have no idea what that means, but the nurse said it was good and that they were frozen today on day 6. Excellent candidates for future babies. Either way, I am just so happy to have a second chance at this.

Blood test is Feb. 16!

Transfer

Transfer was this morning! We transferred two Grade A- embryos (or Grade AB in other scales), one 8-cell and one 7-cell. It hasn't been quite 3 days yet, so I am hoping the 7-cell has already divided again! Doc was very pleased and said they were great embryos. I have two pictures of them I keep staring at today.

The transfer itself did not go great. I have had very easy IUIs and my mock transfer was also smooth. Since one of my ovaries is enlarged it was pressing on my uterus and bladder, causing my cervix to be hard to reach and for them to have trouble reaching the uterus once they got in. The whole thing took about 30 minutes!

On Monday or Tuesday we should know how many we have to freeze. All were still going strong today and I was so happy to hear that! Four of them were a grade B and between 6-10 cells and the fifth was lagging behind a bit. 

Doc doesn't think bed rest is necessary, so I am just taking it easy and relaxing around the house for the next few days! Husband and I are enjoying being pregnant for the first time that we know of in our life. Stick and grow little babies!

Retrieval and Fertilization

Retrieval went pretty well yesterday. Out of all the things I was terrified of, the one thing I never thought twice about ended up being hellish.

They couldn't get an IV started in me and had to poke around several times. By the final time I was lying on my back in complete agony, screaming, cursing and crying. Most excruciating pain I have ever felt. They had to get the anesthesiologist in there for a try, and she dug around in my thin wrist for about five minutes hitting my nerves and bone over and over again. It was so bad that had I known in advance it was going to happen I would have called the whole thing off. Yes, that bad.

Fortunately the retrieval itself was great, recovery was smooth and I feel great today! They retrieved 10 eggs! Out of those 10, 8 were mature and 7 fertilized with ICSI.

I was a little bummed. I was hoping for a better response and more mature eggs because I am only 28 - but it is what is, and I am so very lucky and blessed to have seven embryos growing! We are praying that they each make it through the night.

My nurse sounded as if they were leaning more towards a three day transfer for me. I feel like most people I read about do five day transfers - so I am worried doing a three day won't be as good or something. I honestly don't know that much about either, so feel free to enlighten me! The nurse said it all depended on my embryos - how many are still growing tomorrow, if they can clearly tell which ones are the best by tomorrow, etc. 

I am off work today and tomorrow. So another day of waiting on pins and needles for that phone call!

Day 10 Update

Triggering tonight!

10 follicles right around 20 mm. One at 14 and one at 26 (really, really hoping it is not too mature at retrieval! I can't believe it jumped up 4 mm in size in just one day!) Lining was 11.5 mm.

Retrieval Wednesday. Thank you for all the prayers and encouragement. 

Just kidding - Believe it or not, Doc wants me to go one more night on a much lower dosage. Trigger is still tonight (1:30 a.m. - AHHH!!) and retrieval is Wednesday at 12:30 p.m. Hoping I don't have too hard of a time with the no food/drink thing for that long! Estrogen is at 3,396. Holy crap!

Day 9 Update

Tonight is my last night of stims!

At my ultrasound this  morning I had ten follicles between 17-22 mm, with most being right around 20 mm. I also had two smaller ones at 9 and 12 mm. Doc wanted to give those two time to catch up and the bigger ones one extra day since my estrogen levels were good.

I have one more appointment tomorrow - trigger tomorrow night, egg retrieval on Wednesday~!

Day 7 Update

Today's monitoring appointment went well. I am not as stoked as I was on Wednesday because now I only have nine follicles above 10 mm, but I am still feeling good. I grew one extra one, and lost three. I don't understand why that happened, but Doc still seemed pleased and said I was doing great.

Lefty had five follicles between 13-15 mm. I was very glad about this! This is my "bad" ovary and it is possible the endometrioma is hiding 1-2 more good sized follies. In other good news, the moma has shrunk instead of grown! 

Righty had only four follicles. This is where I became stumped. This is my "good" ovary and on Wednesday it had shown seven, so three did not keep growing at the same rate. And the sizes weren't as close together as lefty. The four he measured were between 11-17 mm. Praying hard and hoping strong that they all grow to the right size and the big one doesn't get too big.

So altogether I had nine measurable follicles. I also had 10 follicles under 10 mm, making for a total of 19 follies. There is a chance some of those could catch up, and I am really hoping that they do! My prayer this entire cycle has been for more than 10 mature follicles at retrieval. (And obviously a healthy pregnancy and baby too!)

I will find out later today what my estrogen levels are and schedule my next appointment for Sunday or Monday. Doc is probably going to keep me on the same dosage that I have been on since the beginning because it seems to be working well. My lining was right at 10 mm and tri-linear, so we are getting closer!

Update: Just got the call that we are staying on the same dosage tonight, but decreasing to 300 iu of Follistim on Saturday. Next appointment is Sunday morning. My estogren is at 1,338 - does anyone know if this is good?

Day 5 Update

Thanks for all the encouragement on my last post! The injections weren't bad at all, and everything has been going smoothly since then. I was having Husband give them to me but found that it is easier for me to do them myself - he gets all the shots set up each night, I give them and then he cleans up. Works out well!

My first two monitoring appointments have been really good. They have been telling me my estrogen levels are great, and I haven't asked for the numbers because I know I will just Google the heck out of it. I had my first ultrasound after stims today, and I am so happy to say that Doc counted at least 11 follicles measuring between 8-12 mm! I was praying so hard for more than 10 at this appointment. Some other good news is that the endometrioma hasn't grown or taken any of the stims, and Doc also said it was probably hiding 1-2 follicles that he couldn't count. My lining was already tri-linear and 8 mm thick.

I have no idea if that is a good number or size for follicles on Day 5, but Doc seemed pleased and is keeping me on the same dosage. He said we are looking to be on target for retrieval on Jan. 31, but he should have a better idea at our next appointment. Until then I'm just resting, doing acupuncture and trying to be stress-free and just enjoy this crazy ride!

Suppression Check = Pass!

Everything looked good at our baseline ultrasound today! Doc's ultrasound machine wasn't working at it's best today, but he was still able to count 10 antral follicles! I am pleased with this because not only is it two more than my check two weeks ago, but there are most likely more that he didn't see because the machine was really acting up.

Unfortunately he was still able to see the endometrioma on my left ovary. It is either two moma's between 1-2 cm or one moma between 2-3 cm. He said it was probably just the one because they were so close together. Sigh. I will admit I prayed and hoped for a miracle - but my E2 was nice and low (35) so Doc doesn't think they will interfere with the IVF and we were given the green light to start stims on Saturday!

We are so excited and also scared. We have been on cloud 9 lately feeling like we are closer to our dream than ever before. Husband said that after we got off the phone today (I called him to let him know we were good to go) that a feeling of complete euphoria and confidence washed over him. I am hoping that was directly from God. I am leaning on his positiveness so much - I am feeling good, but I also understand the reality of it not working.

We had to do all of our infectious disease testing after our appointment today. Five vials of blood for each of us = not fun! I am hoping the stims won't be that bad. I anticipate each shot so much and then it is never as bad as I think it will be. Nevertheless, I am getting a little antsy about the new shots. So throw any encouragement you have my way! We will be starting with 375 IU of Follistim, 75 IU of Menopur and 5 ml of Lupron each night.

Feelings, oh feelings!

Things have been all over the place for me lately with emotions - and I haven't even started stims yet! We started lupron injections a few nights ago and they have been going pretty well so far. Husband has been a rock star prepping everything and giving them to me. I plan to do a post on his awesomeness later.

In my reading of IVF blogs, one common theme seems to be the constant shift in feelings. One day you are overcome with peace and confidence - you know this is going to work, this is finally your time! The next day you hit the wall of worry and anxiety. What if it doesn't work? How will you go on? What will you do next? Commence tons of Google searches that don't help with any of the worry. 

Following that you hit the wall of utter despair. This will never work, it's not going to work, I can just feel it. Why am I wasting my money and time on this? Cue tears and gnashing of teeth. Then start all over again.

As I roll through this wave of emotions, I am trying to keep focused on God. I don't know what His plan is for this cycle, and there is no amount of ANYTHING I can do to find out before it's time. All I can do is pray and put everything in His hands and the capable care of my medical team. Praying, praying, praying every day that this IVF cycle will bring us the joy of a baby or babies! Our hearts have been hurting for so long.

We are so excited about this IVF cycle. This is the best we have felt about any of our treatments thus far. And I know feelings don't mean anything - but having the good ones is sure nice. We have even gone so far as to start talking about our future with our baby or babies, something we haven't done in a long time. We keep saying, "After the babies get here" and "Once we have the baby." I know this is dangerous, but this may be the closest we ever get to pregnancy and I want to enjoy it!

Mock Transfer

We had our mock transfer this week. It went well, despite the intense discomfort from having such a full bladder. Note to self - do not drink so much for the actual transfer! I have had quite a few full bladder procedures and each time I overdrink and it is not fun.

We did have some not-so-good news as well that I am still processing. Doc was supposed to do an SHG after the mock transfer, but since I had a hysteroscopy 8 months ago and an HSG a year ago, both of which were normal, he didn't think it was necessary. But we did do an ultrasound to measure antral follicles.

Righty, which is my good ovary, had only five antral follicles. Lefty had three and an unwanted visitor. Yes, that's right, folks. My endo is already growing back. I had a small, 2 cm endometrioma growing inside lefty.

To say I was disappointed is an understatement. I know endo grows back, there is no getting rid of it. I have had persistent cysts on that ovary for years. I guess I was being delusional hoping that it would be different for me and nothing would have grown back yet. I really wanted clear ovaries for this IVF. Doc said he thought it would be fine and doesn't see a need to do anything about it right now. He is of the camp that only does laparoscopy for diagnostic purposes if you are TTC because it can hurt your egg supply. So I'm going with that! Praying it won't harm our outcome.

Now for the other downer - I only had an AFC of 8. That really sucks. That is the lowest I have ever had. I normally average around 12 or 13. I have had anything between 9-16 in the past year. I was immediately silent after he finished counting and when we got dressed and sat down in his office I about lost it. 

I asked him if we should just cancel the cycle because it looks like at the most I could only get 8 eggs. He looked at me like I was crazy and reassured me that my AFC was low because I have been on active birth control, no AF, for two months now. He also told me that just because he only sees 8 now doesn't mean we will have 8. We could have way more, we could have less. He was confident that this would work for us and gave us a 50-60 percent chance.

That did make me feel much better, and after googling my brains out it seems that this is correct. Any of you have experience with low AFC or stimming with endometriomas? BTW, this was not my baseline ultrasound before starting stims. That isn't for another two weeks.