Water Cooler Destruction

And now for a funny story.

In the break room on our floor, there is a large filtered water cooler. When the jug runs out, you are supposed to call for help to have someone come and replace it. Well, I have seen many people lift and replace them all by themselves, and I have done it before with the the help of another person, so of course I thought I could do it on my own, right?

Try again, Orange Girl. I had used up the last of the water, and being the thoughtful person I am, I decided to attempt to replace it on my own. Well, as you can imagine, things did not go as planned. No sooner had I stooped down to take the big 'ole heavy jug into my arms did it slip right out, smash all over the floor and completely drench my face and arms in water as I desperately tried to grab it.

Let me tell ya, those smashing water coolers are LOUD. And my floor is QUIET. About three of the closest people came running in to see me standing there in a huge and quickly growing puddle of water, laughing my head off because what else can you do? We threw a bunch of paper towels down and made a crude sign advising people to stay out, and then called to have someone clean it up.

By the time the guys got up there, the inches of water had made its way out into the hallway and completely drenched the carpet. They had to bring up an air vacuum that is STILL GOING this morning. So of course I have had a lot of people teasing me, including myself. A girl on my floor made it even worse by commenting that she does it by herself all the time - ouch! And not to mention, she is seven months pregnant. 

Lessons learned. 

1. Do not attempt to replace water cooler alone. Ever.
2. Don't neglect the weight training during work outs.

In Pursuit of Oranges

So, why the weird title for my blog? As I mentioned earlier, we speak in code names often. This is because we have kept our struggle very, very private. The only people who know anything at all are my parents and sister, and even they don't have a full understanding of how I feel about it or how long we have been trying. Nobody at work has even a clue, and because we often talk about it while I am at work, we came up with some code names. (And also because we're just cool like that, and code names are fun!) 

My sweet husband has been excited for me to tell this story, and was trying to remember last night how our nickname started. He claims that it came from ovulation. Ovulation = oranges. He would ask each month when I was supposed to be ovulating, and use the word oranges instead. Now, I'm not sure this is entirely true, but as it's been so long I'll go with it. 

From there, it evolved into taking on the meaning for anything related to trying to conceive. Pregnancy = oranges, babies = oranges, doing the deed = oranges. Our conversations often sound like this, "If we have oranges by such and such date, will we still go on vacation/go to so and so's wedding/spend a lot of money on something?" Or you might hear us say, "It's time to make some oranges tonight!" Or perhaps even, "I am so very sad today. I pray each day for oranges, and I am ready to have an orange of my own!"

So there you have it. We are in pursuit of oranges. We pray for them nightly, we have cried many tears for them, our hearts ache for them, our arms are open and waiting for them. The Bible verse on top of the image is the verse I am claiming for this trial in our lives right now. I came across it the other day when I was feeling very broken and turning to God, and I remember reading it over and over again as it filled my heart with peace and hope. That is what I want to do. Delight myself in the Lord every hour of every day, and wait patiently and faithfully for my little orange blessing.

Vivid Dreams

Before I share the story of my blog's name, I wanted to capture one of the vivid dreams I had recently. Not sure if it just the progesterone supplements making me act like a crazy woman (which they do), or just the stress of trying to get pregnant taking its toll. But the latest one was actually pretty comical and I wanted to record it in case anyone needs a good laugh.

I have a great job, but I am praying that one day I can be a stay at home mom. For now my place is here working with a few grown up mean girls. That can be hard, particularly when I have to work with them pretty much every day, all day.

Today was not a good day. I was very cranky from the progesterone, upset because I knew this cycle just didn't work (which was later confirmed by a BFN thank you very much), mad because it was cold outside and I have no vacation coming up. Man, what a big fat whiner I am! My poor husband, who has been rock solid through all of this, had to listen to the whole tirade on the phone today.

Some of the girls in my department have made it a habit to go to lunches together frequently. Usually it is just a few of them, but today it was pretty much all of the younger girls in our department. Was I invited? Nope. Am I ever invited? Nope. To be fair, they did invite me on my very first day, but I guess I was deduced "not cool" immediately, because a return invite was never extended. Normally their lunch outings don't get to me anymore, but today's sent me over the edge compounded with all of the other issues already mentioned, and I shut my office door and sobbed hysterically for probably a good 10 minutes. 

I ended up going home early and passing out for a nap in which I had a very vivid dream about said girls. One of them came into my office in the dream, claiming that because I had not done something that week that I was supposed to do that she now had to do it for me and she was very upset about this and then stormed out. I stormed right back into her office and proceeded to SCREAM at her that I had, in fact, done my job and she had no idea what she was talking about. As I was berating her, my boss walks by and raises his eyebrows, and I tell him he should stay out of it. (This alone proves this would never happen in real life, ha!)

Later on in the dream day we are heading to a group meeting. A few girls are huddled together around the table whispering when I get in. Again, I immediately start SCREAMING and YELLING at them. I ask my boss and the others around the table to just leave, and they happily oblige. I then proceed to tell said mean girls everything I have ever wanted to say to them, but have been too scared to say. 

• Don't ya think I'd like to be invited to lunch every now and then? I am actually a very nice person and a very good friend.
• Despite what you may think, I am actually working over there in my office and getting my job done. Yes, you may think I am lazy and do nothing, but you really have no clue what I am working on and how many projects I am juggling.
• Imagine moving cross-country and starting a brand new life at a brand new job in a brand new industry in a brand new city. No immediate family close by. Just you and your brand new husband. Now imagine that the people you work with constantly degrade, belittle and disclude you. Sounds awesome, right?

It was very relieving, even though it only happened in my head. I am very timid around mean people, and do not stand up for myself very well, so this was probably my brain's way of dealing with the pent up angst. And it felt good! Take that mean girls! Why? Because my brain said so!!!

First Post

I am writing this blog as a way to chronicle our journey to become parents. I have read many, many similar blogs over the past several months that have greatly encouraged me. I'll admit, many of them also greatly discouraged me, but for the most part it has been a good experience and very uplifting. Eventually my hope is that someone else will stumble across this blog and be encouraged as I have with others. Right now I am not sharing this blog with anyone, so I don't expect to get any readers.

After struggling to conceive for approximately eight months (technically it's been a year, but there were a few months we took off during the summer), I am beginning to think we might have a more serious problem. I was one of those girls you so often read about. Wanted to be a mom since before time began, was planning out my children before I even said "I do." We stopped taking birth control right after we got married, and started officially trying in December 2009. I was hopeful at first it was just going to take some time and nothing was wrong, but by November 2010 I was starting to get worried. My OBGYN has kind of blown it off by telling me I'm young (not that young at 27), and to be patient. He did run a number of tests on me and my husband and everything came back "normal."

For now, we are going to continue trying naturally for the next few months. I am following the Making Babies Program, which I highly recommend you look into if you haven't. I am following an organic diet of whole grains, fruits, veggies and the like. I have also been exercising 4-5 times a week. Go me! It has really helped with getting my energy up. I am also taking a whole slew of supplements recommended for my type in the book. We have decided to try it for the 3-month period that is suggested in the book. After that, we will move on to seeking out a fertility specialist. Go team~!