This is going to be a grumpy post because I am grumpy. I am grumpy because this surgery was supposed to get rid of my endo and help me become a regular, fertile girl. But I feel like nothing has changed. I have had two cycles since the surgery, and both have been exactly the same as always.
- Crampy during ovulation
- Crampy during the 2ww
- A 2ww that is not really two weeks - last month my luteal phase was only 12 days, and that was with two days of spotting, this month I am using progesterone suppositories so it won't start until I stop them, but today is 10 dpo and I have been crampy the last 3 days. UGH!
- A super slow transition from LH surge to ovulation
For anyone who does not suffer with endo, these are telltale signs of endo (also fibroids, which I have one, but it is super small and not near my uterine cavity). Why, oh why, did I go through that danged surgery IF EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME?!?!
I am sure my grumpiness is jumping right off the page. But friends, I went through surgery and was out almost $1500 to fix this dang problem! And I understand it takes time to heal, but it has been two months, and nothing! I was expecting to see some very small changes, and it has been discouraging to see that every thing is the same. Was everything I went through a waste? Is the endo back? Or was it never really removed? Endo girls, please advise.
I spent a lot of time in prayer this month. Praying for this cycle, for my husband and me, for our peace, guidance and comfort. I am feeling more lost than I did before the surgery though. I felt like getting the endo diagnosis and having the surgery was an answer to my infertility struggles - I wasn't expecting to become pregnant right away, but I was hoping for things to be better. And they just aren't. At least not in the fertility realm. Sigh.
I am sure my grumpiness is jumping right off the page. But friends, I went through surgery and was out almost $1500 to fix this dang problem! And I understand it takes time to heal, but it has been two months, and nothing! I was expecting to see some very small changes, and it has been discouraging to see that every thing is the same. Was everything I went through a waste? Is the endo back? Or was it never really removed? Endo girls, please advise.
I spent a lot of time in prayer this month. Praying for this cycle, for my husband and me, for our peace, guidance and comfort. I am feeling more lost than I did before the surgery though. I felt like getting the endo diagnosis and having the surgery was an answer to my infertility struggles - I wasn't expecting to become pregnant right away, but I was hoping for things to be better. And they just aren't. At least not in the fertility realm. Sigh.
:(
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything to tell you about the endo (PCOS, yes, but no endo) but I wanted you to know that I'm praying for you.
I am now on my third cycle since my surgery and am feeling just the SAME way as you are. It is so discouraging and frustrating isn't it? I feel like I have way less ovulation pain (mine was really BAD) and now only one day of period cramping, which is a better improvement. My cycles are still long (last one was 51 days!!) and my LP hasn't been good - 6 days and then 11 days....usually it is around 13 days. I am taking my last prescription of clomid this month with my fourth IUI - hoping it will do the trick. But it all just get so disheartening doesn't it? I wasn't expecting to become pregnant right away either, but I read several studies and other women's stories that said it did happen for them in the first few months after surgery. There's still hope for us! (Easier said than done though, I know!) Thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteI understand your grumpiness! Sometimes it just sucks. We can pray so hard and do everything 'right' and it just doesn't come out how we want it to. Praying you find acceptance and happiness out of the glum. Thinking of you!
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