Feelings, oh feelings!

Things have been all over the place for me lately with emotions - and I haven't even started stims yet! We started lupron injections a few nights ago and they have been going pretty well so far. Husband has been a rock star prepping everything and giving them to me. I plan to do a post on his awesomeness later.

In my reading of IVF blogs, one common theme seems to be the constant shift in feelings. One day you are overcome with peace and confidence - you know this is going to work, this is finally your time! The next day you hit the wall of worry and anxiety. What if it doesn't work? How will you go on? What will you do next? Commence tons of Google searches that don't help with any of the worry. 

Following that you hit the wall of utter despair. This will never work, it's not going to work, I can just feel it. Why am I wasting my money and time on this? Cue tears and gnashing of teeth. Then start all over again.

As I roll through this wave of emotions, I am trying to keep focused on God. I don't know what His plan is for this cycle, and there is no amount of ANYTHING I can do to find out before it's time. All I can do is pray and put everything in His hands and the capable care of my medical team. Praying, praying, praying every day that this IVF cycle will bring us the joy of a baby or babies! Our hearts have been hurting for so long.

We are so excited about this IVF cycle. This is the best we have felt about any of our treatments thus far. And I know feelings don't mean anything - but having the good ones is sure nice. We have even gone so far as to start talking about our future with our baby or babies, something we haven't done in a long time. We keep saying, "After the babies get here" and "Once we have the baby." I know this is dangerous, but this may be the closest we ever get to pregnancy and I want to enjoy it!