Please give me your opinion

Had my CD 12 ultrasound today. I am still so new at this, and like I mentioned in my previous results, Google is not very helpful so I was hoping you more experienced ladies could help me out here.

• My lining was 13.1, and they said something else about it that I didn't catch, and when I asked, all they would repeat was that it was good and exactly where it should be for the first half of my cycle
• They counted the follicles so quickly, too quickly for me to follow properly, which was very annoying. Again, when I asked, all they would tell me is that I had one good follie on my bad ovary (the one with the endo) and one on the good ovary that might grow big enough by tomorrow. The only numbers I caught were 16x20, and about 9 or 10 that were all below 10.

The doctor said that there was a possibility that the good follie we saw was leftover from one of my cysts, or even a new one, since it is on my bad ovary. They ran a blood test for estradiol that will help them determine if it's a cyst or a follie. If it's a follie, I will trigger tomorrow night and do the IUI on Monday.

I thought Clomid was supposed to produce multiple big follies? I find it odd that I really only got 1.5 follies, and they seem to be about the same size as the regular ones I ovulate. Doc did say that they would want to up me to 100 mg next time, because they like to see 2-3 mature follies for IUI. I will say that I had very little side effects with clomid, and it did help me get to ovulation faster than I would on my own.

Still Going Strong

I haven't been posting much lately because I haven't had much to say. I am really trying not to let my life be consumed by fertility. When I let myself get too wrapped up in it, I get very devastated with each failed cycle. I spend too much time on forums and googling, comparing my situation to others. I worry and worry and worry and google and google and google and I have nothing to show for it. It does not help me feel better, and it definitely doesn't make me magically become pregnant. So I am trying to divert that time to better pursuits, whether it be reading, spending time with my husband, working out, sewing or spending time with God.

I have my CD 12 ultrasound on Friday to see how my follicles are doing. My prayer right now is that they will be growing strongly and safely, and that God will protect my ovaries from any and all endometriosis.  Until then I am going to try to take it easy and not think about it too much. 

Not to end on a negative note, but I am not really expecting much out of this cycle. I have just not heard very good statistics for this particular treatment for endo girls. I think most endo girls get pregnant naturally or with IVF. I have faith in God and I know He can do anything - but I am not getting my hopes up too much.

Starting Clomid Today

Well, I am officially starting my first cycle of treatment today. I am doing Clomid+IUI+HCG injection. After the surgery I had told Doc I was up for anything, including delving right into IVF. I have heard that success rates for Endo girls are highest the first year after surgery, so I don't want to waste any time. I also had heard that IVF was the best for Endo girls. But Doc insisted he doesn't think I need to jump right to that because the endo was only in one ovary and around it, and that my anatomy was normal. We shall see. Either way, I don't think I will do too many IUI cylces before pressing for IVF. Hopefully, I won't need IVF at all, but I am trying to prepare myself for all the possibilities.

So today is CD 3 and I will take Clomid for the next 5 days. I was surprised they don't do a CD 3 ultrasound to check for cysts or anything - I am guessing it was because I was unmedicated last month, so they don't think there is a need to? I didn't ask, but I will when I go in for my first ultrasound on CD 12. They will mix the HCG injection for me and teach me how to give it to myself then. (Which I am nervous about! I know this is old hat for most of you, so just tell me everything will be fine, ha.)

Speaking of HCG injections, the nurse at Doc's office said to order it through Walgreen's mail-order pharmacy instead of picking it up directly at Walgreen's. She said it would cost $180 at Walgreen's, but mail-order would be $59. So of course I went with mail-order, but was surprised to find out my insurance is not going to cover any of it. They covered most of the cost of the Clomid. I need to call them and get to the bottom of this. I supposedly have excellent insurance, so I am not sure why it was denied. Did this happen to anyone else who has good insurance coverage? (I have BCBS - Illinois. I also have $20,000 of infertility coverage that I haven't touched yet, but that is for actual treatment and not meds.)

I know I should not be complaining about $59 as most ladies have to pay for all of their fertility treatment and meds. I just want to know what to expect for future treatments if we have to go down that road.

It's a New Day

I apologize for my grumpy post last week. I am going to bring up all of my concerns with my RE at my next appointment, which should be soon since I am not pregnant. Hopefully he will be able to help me figure out why everything seems to be the same still. I also want to ask him about LUFS, because I am concerned about having that as well since my good ovary was completely smooth in my surgery pics (Or appeared to be, I am not sure what a normal, ovulating ovary should look like). So, here is my list of questions for doc:

1. LUFS - one smooth ovary, could I not even be ovulating from it?
2. Slow transition from LH surge to ovulation and luteal phase - I don't ovulate until CD 17-20 normally, and after a positive OPK my temp slowly, just barely rises for 2-4 days, and then "jumps" several days later. Weird. Don't know what it is. But I know it's not good.
3. Cramping during O and during 2ww
4. Short luteal phase - 10-12 days with spotting
5. Spotting after cycle

 Sometimes I wonder if I really have a strong chance with all of those issues. Sigh. My doc suggested IUI with clomid for our first treatment cycle, but I'm not entirely sold. I have heard clomid is bad for endo girls, but he is supposedly an endo expert, so who knows? Since I have such a slow transition, I am also wondering if a trigger shot would help me?

Unrelated to fertility, we had a great weekend at the lake, and we have a really fun, long weekend planned with friends and just the two of us coming up!

Grumpy

This is going to be a grumpy post because I am grumpy. I am grumpy because this surgery was supposed to get rid of my endo and help me become a regular, fertile girl. But I feel like nothing has changed. I have had two cycles since the surgery, and both have been exactly the same as always.

• Crampy during ovulation
• Crampy during the 2ww
• A 2ww that is not really two weeks - last month my luteal phase was only 12 days, and that was with two days of spotting, this month I am using progesterone suppositories so it won't start until I stop them, but today is 10 dpo and I have been crampy the last 3 days. UGH!
• A super slow transition from LH surge to ovulation

For anyone who does not suffer with endo, these are telltale signs of endo (also fibroids, which I have one, but it is super small and not near my uterine cavity). Why, oh why, did I go through that danged surgery IF EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE EXACTLY THE SAME?!?!

I am sure my grumpiness is jumping right off the page. But friends, I went through surgery and was out almost $1500 to fix this dang problem! And I understand it takes time to heal, but it has been two months, and nothing! I was expecting to see some very small changes, and it has been discouraging to see that every thing is the same. Was everything I went through a waste? Is the endo back? Or was it never really removed? Endo girls, please advise.

I spent a lot of time in prayer this month. Praying for this cycle, for my husband and me, for our peace, guidance and comfort. I am feeling more lost than I did before the surgery though. I felt like getting the endo diagnosis and having the surgery was an answer to my infertility struggles - I wasn't expecting to become pregnant right away, but I was hoping for things to be better. And they just aren't. At least not in the fertility realm. Sigh.

The end of my grumpy post.

Back to Reality

We are back from a really wonderful trip. We spent a marvelous week in Southern California, and it was so nice to be away from fertility stuff and just focus on each other for awhile. We ate a lot of great food, saw some great sights and most importantly, soaked up some Disneyland fun! We are huge Disney fans and really loved the parks and hope to return in five years with our own children.

This was our hotel. There was a private entrance to Disney's California Adventure theme park which was awesome! We really enjoyed the restaurants and pool area here, and our room had an amazing view of a courtyard and Downtown Disney.

I came back to the room after our first day in the parks with this lovely surprise. (We were celebrating our anniversary.)

 Fun on the teacups, with the Matterhorn in the background.

 Space Mountain was a blast!

 Small World - never gets old.

Gettin' wet on Splash Mountain!

As you can see from the photos, this is definitely a place where you can lose yourself. Reality is far away in this happy place. Now that I am home, I find myself refreshed and prepared once again to face the challenges of infertility with God at my side.

Right before we left we were having lunch with my husband's parents. His older brother and his wife have been struggling with infertility for years. Father in law was telling us that they are considering adoption, and that he and mother in law would be helping with the cost if they decided to go this route. This immediately piqued my interest, as adoption is something we have always considered, even if we do carry our own children.

I asked him if they would be willing to do the same for us. Remember, they have absolutely NO CLUE about our struggles. His response? "You two are going to be just like your mother and me. You won't have any problems at all. You will just drink out of the same glass and become pregnant."

What do you say to that? Obviously I couldn't be upset with them, since they really have no idea of what we are going through. On the other hand, that did sting. How I wish that were true. 

And that is the reality we have come home to. My God is a God of answered prayers and miracles. I have faith He will answer our prayer in His way, in His time. This is our last natural cycle before we start any fertility drugs. I am lifting this cycle up in prayer to Him.

While Orange Girl's Away, Bloggers Will Play

It's been awhile since I've updated. Hello to all my new followers! I have been out of town visiting family for the Memorial Day holiday. Mr. Orange and I are headed out of town in just a few days for a week at DISNEYLAND! So I will update when we return.