God is in Control

Throughout all of this I have gone through up and down periods, like I'm sure many of you do. Today I need to be reminded of God's promises and God's plan. His Word tells me that he has a plan for my life, a plan to prosper me and not harm me. It also tells me that if I acknowledge Him in all my ways, He will direct my paths. Yet still, I doubt. Why? Why do I doubt God's promises? They are real. They are more real than anything else. God has never left me alone without support, or not answered my prayers in a wonderful way. Granted, that way wasn't always exactly what I was praying for, but answer it He did and the answer was wonderful and perfect like only He can make it. He will do the same thing with the infertility. I have to stop letting the fear and doubt from Satan take over. It is not from God. God, today grant me peace and renewed faith in your promises. Let me turn away from the doubt and the fear and place my trust in you, and you alone. Thank you for answering our prayers! Amen!

First RE Appointment

It went great! Hubby and I were in high spirits for some reason and laughed our way up to the office and in the waiting room. Hope we didn't upset any of the ladies waiting. I can only pray that I always maintain this positive attitude and strength from God as I face this.

I really, really like our doctor. You can tell he has been doing this a LONG time. We had a lengthy conversation where we went over my TTC history, he looked through all of my paperwork and explained to me the options he typically recommends. He went over everything in detail, included success rates for people in my age range and wrote down the cost of each treatment. I am very blessed to have excellent infertility coverage. He basically told me that he didn't envision it running out, and that they would pay for everything and all I have to do is pay co-pays of $30 each time I come in. (I work for one of the biggest companies in a large metropolitan area, so he knows this from past experience.) Let me just say, I know how huge this is. I am so grateful to God for this - it is one less thing to worry about as I go through treatment. I wish it was this way for everyone. At the same time, I am still going to be cautious which treatments we choose, because insurance can change very quickly.

After our initial meeting, we did an ultrasound. Almost immediately the doctor picked out something nobody has been able to do - he thinks I have Endometriosis. He saw some areas in my uterus that caused him to believe this, and it is something I have suspected for awhile due to my extreme pain during AF and spotting before and afterwards. He wants to see me on Day 3 of my next cycle. If the things he saw in the ultrasound are still there, he wants to move forward with laparoscopic surgery before doing any treatments, so that he can assess how severe it is and remove any adhesions. I am excited about this approach, but also nervous as I don't like surgery and I am worried about how much work I will have to miss. For those of you who have done this, can you share your experience?

I also had some bloodwork done for a few panels that haven't been run yet. Doc wanted to check my progesterone since I am 8DPO today, and he also wanted to run AMH since he couldn't see very many antral follicles on my ovaries. Normally, this would really, really worry me. But he thinks he couldn't see more because BOTH ovaries had giant cysts on them. He knows one of them is the corpeus luteum, but the other is most likely related to endometriosis or something similar. I hope he is right! Having low ovarian reserve at 27 feels like a death sentence to me.

So, that's it for now! I should start AF in the next few days-week, so next steps are right around the corner. I already know I am not pregnant this cycle, because I couldn't see anything that looked like an egg on the ultrasound. So I had a big Dr. Pepper and a cookie at lunch, a rare treat! We are heading up north for a friends wedding this weekend and will be doing some fun stuff in the city while we are there, so hopefully that will help get my mind off things for awhile!

On the Move!

Got a call right before I left work today that the RE I have chosen to visit had an opening tomorrow morning - so we are on the move to hopefully getting some answers and having our little orange!

Preparing the Grove

After a solid week of spotting, AF finally showed her face. That is the longest amount of spotting I have ever had prior to AF. I also spotted for several days after AF as well. Something hormonal is definitely out of whack with me, and I have no clue what it is as all my tests came back "normal." For now, I am chalking it up to the fact that this was the first month in awhile that I had not taken progesterone suppositories, so perhaps my body wasn't sure how to start AF on its own. Or it could be PCOS, endometriosis, my fibroid or any other number of fertility problems. Sigh. I am ready for some answers.

With that said, I finally broke down and made my first appointment with an RE. This is something I have been putting off for a long time. I have always felt this stigma with it - that once I made an appointment that I was officially "infertile." It also made me feel that once I had to see an RE, that signified it was not going to be easy for us to get pregnant. These things have kept me from making that first appointment - I so wanted to get pregnant the normal way. I felt like if I just tried hard enough, prayed enough, ate right, took vitamins, on and on, eventually my body would sort itself out and God would bless us with a little orange. That might have happened if we kept on the natural way, but I was ready to make that next step and God provided me some peace about it. I did a lot of research and selected what I think are the best specialists in a town. They have a practice together, and they are so popular that I can not get in until May. So we will keep on doing things the way we have been since November - no caffeine, mostly organic, healthy diet, lots of supplements, exercise and sleep. And of course lots of fun! :)

In happier news, we just returned from a great weekend getaway. We traveled down south and stayed at a nice resort. We enjoyed just lounging around the pool in 80 degree weather, got massages, ate some nice dinners, went shopping and just enjoyed each others company!

Long Overdue Update

I have been absent for awhile, and it's not because I have good news. This was another cycle of trying naturally - we have been doing the Making Babies program for almost 3 months now with nothing to show for it except general well being. Which is great and all, but not exactly the results I am hoping and praying for.  I am still taking all of my supplements, trying to get a lot of sleep and live stress-free, in addition to exercising regularly and eating organic, whole foods as much as possible. I am also considering trying acupunture - for those of you who have done it, would you recommend it?

For awhile now I have suspected that I have Luteal Phase Defect (LPD). My luteal phase has never been longer than 11 days, and I usually spot a couple of days before my period. Which definitely doesn't leave enough time for a baby to implant. When I told my OBGYN this he had my progesterone checked on 3 DPO, results came back "normal," but he prescribed me progesterone supplements because I persisted.

Woe is me. I LOATHE progesterone supplements, but I used them religiously from ovulation until 14 DPO for three months. In its defense, it did lengthen my luteal phase and I had no spotting when I stopped it, I just went right into AF. It did, however, turn me into a terrible, terrible person. This cycle I wanted to see if somehow my cycle had magically corrected itself, and decided to forego the supplements in favor of the sanity of myself and my husband. 

Well, I started spotting on 7 DPO. Earliest day I have ever started spotting before. All of you experienced ladies, would you not agree there is something wrong with me? I am still spotting today, with no AF to be seen. It has been four days. Not fun.

In other news, I finally received all of my medical records back from the doctor. It includes all of my test results, except for the specifics on my husband's SA, which is supposedly also normal. Here they are:

Prolactin: 9.8
TSH: 2.217
Progesterone: 7.77

(These were all taken at the same time, on 3 DPO)

Ultrasound
Endometrial lining: 3.7 mm transabdominal, 7.7 mm transvaginal
Fibroid: uterine fundus, 1.7 cm x  1.9 cm x 1.5 cm (not in the cavity, thank you God and small)
Follicles: Three in each ovary, largest one measuring 1.7 cm

(This was on CD 13, and I ovulated 3 days later)

I need some advice ladies. Are these results really "normal?" I did Dr. Google all of them and refer to my fertility books, and they all came up as normal except for the endometrial lining, which is a little thin for that close to ovulation. 

I am struggling right now because I cannot figure out what is wrong with us. There does not seem to be anything glaring. We have decided to move forward with making an appointment with a fertility specialist to hopefully determine other possibilities such as bad FSH, low ovarian reserve, endometriosis, anything. My OBGYN does not seem really concerned in helping us achieve pregnancy, so I think it is time for us to move on. I am a little sad about this, and also excited. It won't be until March or April, so until then we will continue to try naturally and enjoy some fun spring activities!

New Post Coming Soon

I know I have had nothing interesting to say for quite awhile. I promise to get in a good update very soon, definitely by the end of this weekend, if not sooner. I hope everyone has a blessed Friday!

Stepping Up

I need to step it up and be a better blogger, especially if I ever expect anyone to read this thing. Not too much to report on in Orange World. We are officially in the two-week wait again. This has been the weirdest cycle we have had in over a year. I didn't ovulate until CD 18, which is way late for me. I typically ovulate around CD 15-16, so I hope there is not anything funky going on.

There has been a lot of stressful stuff going down at work the past few weeks. There are a ton of projects coming up, and for some reason I have become the dumping grounds for everyone else. To top it off, one of my co-workers is about to go out on maternity leave, so we have had to divide up her work and I am not looking forward to juggling that for 8-9 weeks while she is out. I have also been getting blamed for a lot of things. Just driving me crazy.

Okay, I am done whining. I am so grateful to have this job. This is a great job, with a great company. I make excellent money for our family. Because of my job, we are able to save tons of money, buy new cars, go on nice vacations, furnish our home. I am blessed to have such a wonderful job in this economy. No more whining!

I feel like I am in a good place right now with the baby stuff. So many people have it so worse than me, and have been struggling so much longer. Don't get me wrong - I want this desperately, I pray for it constantly. But I am resting in God's promises right now, and being patient in his perfect timing. There is always that niggling fear in the back of my heart, "What if I never get pregnant, and adoption doesn't work out for us? What if we never become parents?" But I am trying to give this fear over to God each day, because fear is from Satan and not from Him.