Vivid Dreams

Before I share the story of my blog's name, I wanted to capture one of the vivid dreams I had recently. Not sure if it just the progesterone supplements making me act like a crazy woman (which they do), or just the stress of trying to get pregnant taking its toll. But the latest one was actually pretty comical and I wanted to record it in case anyone needs a good laugh.

I have a great job, but I am praying that one day I can be a stay at home mom. For now my place is here working with a few grown up mean girls. That can be hard, particularly when I have to work with them pretty much every day, all day.

Today was not a good day. I was very cranky from the progesterone, upset because I knew this cycle just didn't work (which was later confirmed by a BFN thank you very much), mad because it was cold outside and I have no vacation coming up. Man, what a big fat whiner I am! My poor husband, who has been rock solid through all of this, had to listen to the whole tirade on the phone today.

Some of the girls in my department have made it a habit to go to lunches together frequently. Usually it is just a few of them, but today it was pretty much all of the younger girls in our department. Was I invited? Nope. Am I ever invited? Nope. To be fair, they did invite me on my very first day, but I guess I was deduced "not cool" immediately, because a return invite was never extended. Normally their lunch outings don't get to me anymore, but today's sent me over the edge compounded with all of the other issues already mentioned, and I shut my office door and sobbed hysterically for probably a good 10 minutes. 

I ended up going home early and passing out for a nap in which I had a very vivid dream about said girls. One of them came into my office in the dream, claiming that because I had not done something that week that I was supposed to do that she now had to do it for me and she was very upset about this and then stormed out. I stormed right back into her office and proceeded to SCREAM at her that I had, in fact, done my job and she had no idea what she was talking about. As I was berating her, my boss walks by and raises his eyebrows, and I tell him he should stay out of it. (This alone proves this would never happen in real life, ha!)

Later on in the dream day we are heading to a group meeting. A few girls are huddled together around the table whispering when I get in. Again, I immediately start SCREAMING and YELLING at them. I ask my boss and the others around the table to just leave, and they happily oblige. I then proceed to tell said mean girls everything I have ever wanted to say to them, but have been too scared to say. 

• Don't ya think I'd like to be invited to lunch every now and then? I am actually a very nice person and a very good friend.
• Despite what you may think, I am actually working over there in my office and getting my job done. Yes, you may think I am lazy and do nothing, but you really have no clue what I am working on and how many projects I am juggling.
• Imagine moving cross-country and starting a brand new life at a brand new job in a brand new industry in a brand new city. No immediate family close by. Just you and your brand new husband. Now imagine that the people you work with constantly degrade, belittle and disclude you. Sounds awesome, right?

It was very relieving, even though it only happened in my head. I am very timid around mean people, and do not stand up for myself very well, so this was probably my brain's way of dealing with the pent up angst. And it felt good! Take that mean girls! Why? Because my brain said so!!!