The Stroller Parade

This weekend we spent an afternoon at the zoo for my company's annual picnic. We look forward to it every year because we love our zoo and just enjoy seeing the animals and being outside. 

The vast majority of people I work with are married and have children. And of course, it's the zoo, so children abound. Usually seeing families and children puts a smile on my face and makes me eager for the day when I will have a family - children I can take to the zoo, enjoy a nice day with and show off to co-workers and all the other great (and not so great) things that come with being a parent. Lately however? Not so much.

Husband and I got to the picnic around lunch and quickly stacked our plates and took a seat at a picnic bench near the entrance. We were surrounded by families on every side of us. Every single picnic bench seemed to be filled with parents and children, most of them younger with babies. It was honestly and truly physically painful for me. Something I want so badly but am having such a hard time attaining - and everyone around me seems to have it.

And then what Husband and I dubbed "the stroller parade" began. Literally as soon as we sat down the strollers started pouring in through the entrance. One after the other after the other after the other. It was almost comical. Everyone had a stroller and they were all coming in at the same time and we had chosen the seats of honor in said parade. I started to tear up. I wanted to be in the parade. I was tired of sitting on the curb watching and waving. I told husband I had to get out of there and he quickly scarfed down the rest of his food and we hightailed it out of there.

After moping around for a few minutes feeling sorry for myself, I began to have a head conversation with myself. (Don't laugh - you know you do it too!)

Self: I am so sad and heartbroken. I have no children and don't know when this pain will end. Woe is me.

Head Self: Seriously? Snap out of it Orange Girl!

Self: But I can't! How can I ever be happy again with the constant reminder of my childlessness staring me in the face?

Head Self: Because it's a beautiful day and you are at the zoo with your wonderful husband. There are a lot of other people struggling out there - now suck it up and enjoy the day!

So I decided to follow Head Self's advice because hey, she sounds like a pretty smart girl! Husband and I decided to make a game of it. We were scouts on a mission to find all of the young couples under 40 without children. We knew there had to be more of us!

We found several married couples without children, and each time we saw one we won one point. However, what usually ended up happening is that we would see a couple from the back or from far away and get excited and immediately give ourselves another point. Then we would get up closer or the wife would turn to the side, and all of a sudden we would realize - Oh, never mind, they are pregnant. And then we would dock ourselves a point.

I don't remember what the final score was. The point of the game was just for fun, and to remind ourselves that we aren't the only childless young couple out there, even though it feels like it. We don't know what other couples have gone through to have those strollers in front of them - I am sure there are plenty out there who struggled to achieve that goal. 

After some animal perusing, we sat down on a park bench for a long time in a quiet, secluded area of the zoo. We just sat together and shared favorite, fun memories and laughed and smiled.

It did end up being a nice day. Even if my heart is still aching just a little.